Can't hold it anymore

I'm just an ordinary girl. 
I want them to understand me.
I'm not the happy girl as I was.
This stress really makes me tortured.
I want to tell them what's inside my head.
But I can't, I can't make them disappointed.
Honestly, I won't continue this final project.
If I may choose, I choose to have my job now.
Blame me for the mistakes I've done.
I realized that.
Forgive me, mom, dad, and my partner.
I didn't mean to do that.
I just can't hold it anymore.
It was my fault from the beginning.


How to tell you all?
God, please help me..


Everlasting love for u,

- DeE -

Get Well Soon, Papa!

God, I'm scared.
At evening three days ago, my father suddenly lost his balance. He almost fell down to the floor with no sign. He said that there was something buzzing in his head and then he shouted. Me and my mother were shocked when hearing my father's shout.

I didn't know why it happened. So, when my brother came home that night, I told him about father and asked him if he could drive mother to work next morning. Because I'm afraid it will happened to him again when he drives his own car. Who knows when it will happen again, right?

Mother told father that he MUST  go to the doctor. Even the medical people couldn't help themselves when it came to disease. Then the next morning my father went to the ENT doctor to check the disease. Mother said that she didn't know what's wrong with father, but maybe it related to his nerves.

Remembering that occurrence makes me feel afraid from time to time. It could happen again when he's driving his car with the probability of an accident. I became paranoid.

Dear God, please don't take my dad away from me. I am not ready for that. I haven't give him anything yet
Dear Father, I wish you always be healthy. Please take care of your body, always keep your health, so that your maudlin daughter won't cry over you every night again when she is thinking of you.

Everlasting love for u,

- DeE -

A Piece of Childhood Story

 

Well, it's raining outside when I wrote this post. I was sitting on the terrace's chair and my neighbor passing by the front of my house. She was walking in a rush with her children then suddenly I remember my childhood.

I remember when me and my childhood friends were playing 'engklek' *I don't know what is it in English :p tell me if you know, kay?* At that time, not only the girls around my age but also the boys were gathered together playing that traditional child's play. It was fun, my childhood back then. Everyday we used to play together, laugh together.

But time goes by so quickly. We're all grown up. None of us gathered together like before. All of us have our own activities. Some with their schools, others with their works. Only the boys (so did my lil' brother) are still in contact. Every midnight they usually have a chitchat at my cousin's stall.

So, uh, when I was remembering all of those memories, I felt proud of my childhood. Why? Because nowadays, only a few of neighbor's children would gather around and playing those traditional plays. Every afternoon filled with the noise of the children in my neighborhood back then. But now? It's quiet. Every child are busy playing with their Playstation or Nintendo or Xbox or whatever the name of those things.

See the picture above? Yeah, that's me playing 'engklek' when I was attended my niece's wedding in Linggau, on January 2nd this year. Me and my-sister-to-be-in-law were laughing out loud while playing it. Even my mom and my little niece wanted to join us although we didn't  remember anymore the rules of this game, hahaha.

Blahhh, I miss that time, I miss my childhood. But it's difficult to catch up together again with them. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that time. Enjoying the childhood and never think about adulthood, haha. Why we have to grow up? Why don't we just be a kid forever? Why we have to be adults while adults sometime act like children? *peter pan syndrom =P*  No no no, that's selfish, spoiled girl!

OK, we HAVE to grow up. ALL of US, not only me myself. Let's grow to be the best adults ever.

Everlasting love for u,
- DeE -

Agenda 2011

I bought this agenda when I was hanging out with my foster-brother yesterday afternoon. Why?

Okay, I need to change my life. It is one of my resolutions for the new year. I am really bad at managing my time. I could just say 'OK' for every request from my close friends and I can't help it. For the results, of course, I ruined my own life. My schedules collide.

So yeah, it's important to have an agenda.

Well, I have started to write my personal data in it. I will add some schedules for the next year later. Now I have to pack my stuffs for the trip by 5 am this morning and also finish my work before I send it to the PMKRI' chairwoman.

See ya next year!

Everlasting Love,

- DeE -

10 saddest things

10 hal yang bikin gue nangis parah setahun belakangan:

1. Kecelakaan adek gue tahun lalu sebelum Lebaran.
2. Adu mulut aka brantem sama papa.
3. Burung beo kesayangan gue tewas.
4. Didiemin temen gue karna dia marah sama gue.
5. Dihina temen yang niatnya becanda tapi dalem banget.
6. Bikin fanfic yang sedih.
7. Baca cerita sedih.
8. Nonton film sedih.
9. Denger cerita sedih.
10. Mikirin yang sedih-sedih.

Wakakak, yang waras cuma 5 pertama aja kayaknya ya? Yeah, tapi itulah yang bisa bikin gue nangis sejadi-jadinya. Nah sekarang gue lagi pengen nangis, tapi masih nggak bisa keluar juga airmatanya. Heran deh..

- DeE -

I wanna cry..

Pengen nangis..

Kenapa sih tiap malem rasanya gue pengen nangis mulu?

Tapi tiap mau dikeluarin ini air mata, pasti nggak jadi nangis ujung-ujungnya. Udah dapet feel-nya, tapi nggak mau netes juga airmatanya. Gue kenapa sih?

Nih kepala rasanya berat banget kalo nggak dikeluarin semua isinya. Kalo udah nangis kan udah, hilang semua jenuhnya nih. Aaaah, mikirin yang sedih-sedih, malah bikin makin pusing, nambahin pikiran gue aja. Bingung deh.

I really have to cry..

Somebody, help me!! Bikin gue nangis dooonk~ *orang aneh*

- DeE -

Ilfeel

Belom seminggu gue masuk kuliah, gue udah ilfil duluan sama sebagian besar mahasiswa baru kampus gue. Kenapa? Karna gayanya yang lebay abis! Beuh, gawat banget nih mahasiswa baru, belom apa-apa udah pada pamer gaya semua.

Hellooo??? Kalian ke kampus buat kuliah atau fashion show sih?

Tiap selesai jam kuliah, koridor kampus pasti penuh banget sama maba yang langsung nyerbu internet corner yang ada di koridor tiap lantai. Kalo nggak, mereka yang bawa lappie langsung nyerbu perpus sama ruang tunggu buat hotspot-an sampe nggak ada lagi tempat buat yang bener-bener pengen nunggu atau baca buku.

Hellooo??? Kalian ke kampus buat kuliah atau numpang nginternet gratis sih?

Yeah..gue juga nggak muna dengan bilang nggak make fasilitas itu, tapi kan nggak seekstrim itu juga lah. Yakin tuh kompie bakal dipake buat browsing bahan tugas kuliah? NGGAK bakal! Ada juga malah dipake buat fesbukan.

Fuh, tapi boro-boro juga gue mau numpang ngenet gratis, orang tiap selesai jam kuliah gitu aja udah penuh banget, ckckck. Yah..gini deh tiap ajaran baru, ngeliat orang-orang di kampus udah kayak ngeliat gerombolan semut aja saking ramenya. Sumpek!

Itu masih mending sih, tapi gue lebih sebel aja ngeliat yang banyak gaya itu. Mungkin karena mereka belom di-OSPEK kali? Nggak ngaruh juga kayaknya. Tapi kita liat aja ntar. Untung gue Senat, bisa ikutan ngeliat OPSPEK kampus gue tahun ini. Hmm, jadi pengen liat gimana 'tampang' mereka nanti, haha. *menyalahgunakan kedudukan nih XD*

- DeE -

090909

Hoho, akhirnya tiba juga hari ini. Tanggal bagus! Tapi rasanya pagi ini kok biasa-biasa aja ya? Apa emang belom ada apa-apa kali ya? Yah, gue ngarep kali-kali aja ada gempa atau bom atau kebakaran dimana gitu, biar tanggal yang udah langka ini makin spesial, haha. Nggak ding, becanda ah, abisnya emang beneran nothing special sih, jadi lewat aja ni hari+tanggal bagus. T___T

Ah, tapi walo nggak ada apa-apa gini, yang pasti hari ini serial Heading To The Ground-nya laki gue rilis neh! Huahaha, can't wait buat nontonnya! Moga aja cepet ada yang nge-sub, terus beredar di Indo deh, hihi. Hidup bajakan! Oops, bukannya ngedukung sih, tapi kalo mau nunggu in tuh serial tayang disini kayanya nggak mungkin banget deh. Secara bukan artis sinetron terkenal gitu yang main, tapi kalo ternyata di Korea sana tuh serial booming, hohoho, kayanya ntar entah kapan bisa nongol juga deh ditipi nasional, haha..

- DeE -